How Conservatives Saved My Liberal Mind

The idea was totally ridiculous and wrong. But I wanted to give it a try. I wanted to watch it — only a little bit, just to see what it was like.

I was thinking about it all day. I couldn’t focus on work, family or anything else. At the dinner table, I was staring into blank space. My wife was worried: “Are you okay? You’re not being yourself. Are you sick?”

“I should just do it,” I was encouraging myself, “I’m a grown-ass man.”

But every time I thought of it, I felt guilty.

“I can’t go on like this,” I thought. “If I just do it, things will go back to normal.” Before I knew it, I was in my living room, my heart pounding. “What if my wife walks in?” My palms were sweaty as I made sure she was in the kitchen. “What about the neighbors?” I closed the curtains, and began fumbling with the remote. I turned on the TV. “What if the kids hear?!” I turned down the volume.

For the very first time, I was watching Fox News.

As I watched, I could feel my friends, neighbors, and co-workers staring with deadly disapproval. No one could see what I was doing (I’d made sure of that), but I could somehow still feel their eyes all around me.

I’ve lived in Berkeley, California long enough that I’ve internalized the values of the liberal tribe…